Big News…BIG NEWS!!!


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Because when we first started seeing each other seriously, he asked for us to go to church together because “the couple that prays together, stays together.” He lives that. Not just with me, but with our family as well.

Because he works very hard, but always prioritizes time for us.

Because I never feel taken for granted by him. Never. Not even once. Not even a little bit.

Because I know he will be the very best stepdad I could ask for, for my kids, with the proof being his strong relationship with his own son and the number of times my kids have asked him about marrying their mom.

Because he truly communicates with me and places open communication between us at the top of his list of priorities.

Because every single day, I look him and can’t imagine how I could possibly love him more – and then he somehow gives me a million more reasons.

Because of all of these and so many amazing things I can’t begin to explain…


Never in a Million Years…


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Co-Parenting with the EX has gotten increasingly difficult since he got remarried. He no longer comes in when he drops the kids off, so there’s no real way for us to even communicate small things. I think there is also increasing resentment toward me, especially after he took me back to court this year to try and get more visitation, since the proceedings didn’t exactly go in his favor. The part that’s hardest for me to process is that some of the things he’s doing – I can tell they aren’t his motivation. It’s not him.

We haven’t seen eye to eye for many years, but he typically isn’t this manipulative or divisive. Without going into too much detail (which would take too much time to post and no one wants to hear every little detail anyway), things have gone from bad to worse – with regards to the ability for us to work together. There is constant manipulation of time and dates, of even court orders…but it all is just too exhaustive to make a big deal of, so I’m not sweating the small stuff.

The biggest downfall though is how my kids feel. That part really gets to me. They see it and they understand why their dad does some of the things he does – and it’s hurting them.

I ended up putting #2 back into counseling for his anger issues. I feel so bad for the guy. He lashes out radically, then is as sweet as can be once he’s calmed down. He’s empathetic and apologetic, but not until after he’s torn himself apart. It is truly heart wrenching.

Roi has really helped smooth things out and helps me to remember to keep things in perspective. When EX does stuff to antagonize me, he constantly reminds me that it’s okay to get angry and vent, but I have to let it go. If I don’t, then EX wins. He (EX) steals that time and that joy from everything and everyone else in my life. Roi is totally right about this and I simply won’t let that keep happening. Regardless of anything else that goes on, I still have 3 healthy and happy kids that I love very dearly and a man that has stepped up and shown me what true love and family is all about.

A Little Over a Year Ago…Life Began


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A little over a year ago, I was coming out of an almost 4 year relationship quite abruptly. I had no clue what had happened or why, I just knew my life was turned upside down. I thought I lost the love of my life. I thought maybe it was God’s way of telling me that the love I had prayed for was still love, but it would just be the love I would share with my kids and happiness I’d have watching them grow up and eventually have kids of their own. I worked my way in acceptance that my answer to “Dear God, let me find a love that is so strong and powerful that it leaves me breathless” was not in another person, rather in the family I have.

Oh, how I couldn’t have been more wrong. However, I think accepting that it was okay to be alone and that maybe, just maybe companionship wasn’t in the cards for me, allowed me to not get caught up in whatever came by. Two and a half months after that, love walked in.

As much as I loved VDO, I realize I wasn’t really in love with him. I was in love with the possibilities, but he would have never grown into that potential because he was far too stuck in where he was. My eyes were opened.

I have never felt a love like this. I have never trusted so freely, loved so immensely, or wanted one person so much. I look back at the more painful parts of my life and I realize that I would live every single day of them again, if it meant I would get to this point with this man in my life now. We love the same and we both work the same at keeping each other happy. It is not one sided, it is surrounding. It is phenomenal. He is my rock.

I genuinely had no idea that a relationship could be like this. I didn’t really believe in soulmates…until now. I felt that way when I first met him and I feel that way now, almost 10 months later. Nothing has changed. The fire, the love, the compassion…the fact that I still get as excited to see him now when I get home from work as I did when he first moved in.

My heart is finally filled with joy.

A Common Point.


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I know I’ve referenced this before, but this all seems to really be playing out and I’m just amazed by God’s grace. He has clearly shown me my “Yes, but different.”

Yes, my true love was out there. Yes, there was someone who could give me everything I needed and more in a relationship. Yes, there was someone who could communicate with me, love me, and support me in ways I never imagined.

The journey to this point hasn’t been an easy one for either of us. As my mom has pointed out, maybe I needed an EX (ex-husband) and a VDO to really appreciate a Roi. His trek  has been similar. A failed marriage (although his was when he was younger and was shorter than mine – only 5 years), a child, and then a few very rocky relationships that, as he put it, left his cup empty after giving and giving all that he had and receiving little to nothing in return.

So the past 20+ years for each of us has somehow brought us here–a common point. A wonderfully common point. We are both looking to give and receive the same thing from a partner. We are both committed in the same way to a relationship, which is an unconditional commitment. We also both understand the importance of family and our children and are committed to doing whatever is needed in all aspects of each others lives.

This is something that is beautiful and amazing. Every single day, I honestly find myself looking over at this man and feeling so grateful and appreciative of God’s love, that He put him in our lives. Not only that, but he is so grateful and appreciative of the same…and I feel that from him…

I have no regrets about my past. No regrets about the kind men I spent time with. No regrets about any of it, because it all brought me to this point. I wake up with so much joy in my heart, not only because of his love and support, but because of the way he helps me look at and approach life.

Of Course He’s Great.


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I met Roi’s son and…of course he’s a great kid. Most 15 year old boys are introverts and won’t even look you in the eye. Not this kid. He is quiet, sweet, but very respectful and polite. He got along amazingly well with my kids.

There was one thing that was kind of funny. Roi and his son joined a nerf gun battle (which are quite common in our household, having two young boys) and they were all laughing and carrying on while I was making dinner. We sat down for dinner and Roi’s son asked “Is it always like this?” I replied, “Pretty much.” and just laughed. I asked Roi if when his son asked that because he thought our house was crazy or if because he liked it. He said his son asked him the same thing that night and Roi asked why. He son replied that he just wondered if we were putting on an act, or if we were really like that. I guess it is such a contrast to what he is used to, that he was just pleasantly surprised–which in an odd way made me feel good.

I won’t lie, my house is a crazy place. It’s just me, wrangling a 9, 10, and 12 year old. We like to have fun, we talk loud, and we joke a lot. I wouldn’t change it for the world. However, I’ve always worried it would be daunting for some to walk into dynamics like that. Apparently it’s not always and some people see it for what it is; a fun and loving family.



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Everything is heading in the right direction for once (aside from a potential legal spat of visitation time from EX–but I’ll get through that). I had no idea that this is what life could feel like. Is it hectic still? Yes, I have three kids, a full time job, and am in school to get my MBA. Is it all what I want? Yes, I want it all and I have the love and support of my family and Roi that helps hold me up.

We (Roi & I) have decided to start finishing off the spare bedrooms in the basement. There are two reasons for this: 1. I wanted to have them done this year and, while I had planned on having to pay a contractor, Roi has offered to do them (he’s quite handy) and 2. We both want a place that his son can stay over the summer, that will give him the personal space and privacy a boy needs at the age of 15. So, adventures in remodeling it is.

Speaking of which, I’m really excited that I finally get to meet Roi’s son. His son lives in Arizona with his ex-wife, so I’ve not gotten the chance to meet him. The plan is to meet over dinner on Tuesday, with just me, to give me time to get to know him a bit before introducing him to my three kids. Then, on Thursday, he’ll get to meet all of them and they will stay the night here. Roi plans on working a bit while his son is here to help, to hopefully make sure he (his son) feels involved and part of the group–which is hard to do with such limited time with him and the distance factor.

Anyway, all these plans and moving forward with things is making me feel very content and complete. It feels like a new family is coming together.❤

Bitter Be Gone.


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One of the most difficult things that I finally moved past awhile ago was the bitterness from my divorce. However, I do find it creeping in other places. For instance, when EX starts being trite and picking on me for silly, little things – I feel so much pent up anger for that.

Sweet Roi keeps reminding me on multiple topics like stress, worrying, or even just bad feelings in general, that none of those bad feelings ever help anything, so it’s just a waste of time. Stressing about something just makes it that more difficult. Worrying about something doesn’t prevent it from happening. Bad feelings in general…well, all they do is make us feel bad. So there’s really no point.

So, that’s what I’m working on. I’m working on letting go of those frustrated feelings that creep up from time to time, those life stressors that feel insurmountable at the time (but truly aren’t), and just eradicating the bad feelings in my life in general…and focusing on the good and the things I truly want to enjoy. Life is so good right now, so sweet. I’ve wasted so much time with stress I didn’t need or deserve. I’ve lost countless hours of sleep. I’ve even been grumpier than my children have ever deserved, stressing over some situations. It’s nice to be a place in my life where some of those are now gone.

Made Up For It All.


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I just had 23 years of “just okay” Valentine’s Days made up for all in one. Roi decided that since my Valentine’s of past, hadn’t really put much thought into stuff (not that that’s what’s important, but it is fun to be pampered), he would do it all. Kind of a “catch up” for the past two decades.

It started out with the cliche flowers, which we delivered to my office on Thursday since I was out of the office on Friday. They were in a beautiful vase with a little styrofoam and glitter heart in them, with a very sweet and sappy note attached. Friday we took the kids out for Valentine’s dinner, before their dad picked them up. He brought them Little Debbie Snack Cakes and Brownies, along with Valentines for each of them. Saturday was amazing. It started by us going out to the movies, then we came home and he had candles in the bedroom and gave me a nice, long massage with romantic music..and I’ll spare you the rest of those bedroom details. ;)  After that, he drew me a candlelit bubble bath to relax in while he cooked dinner: steak, mashed potatoes, buffalo cauliflower, and then we watched a DVD downstairs and snacked on dessert, my favorite, chocolate covered strawberries (which he also made). It was as perfect as perfect could get.

The best part – it’s not an act with him. I know some guys might hear about someone doing that and think ‘I should do that, too because it will help me look good’. Roi is very genuine and took time to plan all this, even down to cooking the meal which took a great deal of coordination because he doesn’t cook much. Everything was done not to somehow benefit him (and oh trust me, he did get some pretty great benefits from me from doing all this and making me feel so special) but because he wanted to make sure I knew and felt his love.

He totally succeeded.

Well, My Dear, The Same Way You Are.


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I often find myself looking at Roi and wondering how this man is single. He is an amazing communicator, he has such a positive outlook on life (it’s totally infectious, you feel better about your life just seeing him look so forward to his), he is so kind and gentle, he’s great with kids, he’s intelligent and totally honest, and he’s not afraid to communicate his needs or to have me communicate mine. He is sensual, sexy, confident, and very much dedicated to being faithful in a relationship – both in the physical and emotional sense.

I think I figured all the men like this would certainly be married already, so I’d have to either settle for a little bit less, or I’d have to spend time “training”…but here he is, right in front of me.

So awhile back, I couldn’t contain myself from finally vocalizing the question. After he’d been particularly sweet and kind handling one of my stress outs over pursuing my MBA, working, kids, and all the stresses I was feeling, I just stared at him and said point blank, “I don’t understand how someone who is such the complete package, the whole deal, is still single? How did I get so lucky?”  His response, “Well, my dear, the same way you are still single. I’m a nice person who sometimes was too nice and those that found me didn’t protect my heart the same way I protected theirs.”

I think I’ve found my soulmate.

Love and Money.


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It’s funny how when you say those two words together, love and money, people conjure up many different things. It can be ideas of combining lives and finances, to those that only associate love with how much money someone has. For me, it’s the former of the two.

Roi is an excellent communicator, which I truly cherish about him. He and I are on the same page with that in many ways. He’s also a planner like I am and likes to discuss things way ahead of time, so there aren’t any surprises when things do eventually come up.

A few weeks ago, during one of our many conversations, we approached the subject on our feelings of moving in with someone and also how finances are handled then. I have absolutely no experience on this front, being that I graduated college, then moved into my parents house for a few weeks before I was married, and have only lived with someone I was married to.

So after a great deal of thought, here is what I have come up with:

Love and life together are a commitment. I think you can have love without building a life together, which is what I had in my last relationship with VDO–a lot of love without the ability to build a life together or the level of commitment required to do so. You can’t have love and life together though unless there is a commitment. I genuinely feel like I’m heading down that path with Roi, that there is a great deal of love and a commitment and desire to build a life together.

So, here was my final conclusion. While I don’t think I want to live with someone before commitment, I do feel like engagement is enough of a commitment for me now. My other thought on this are my kids’ perceptions. Being that I still have young kids at home, I want to make sure I am a good role model for them on sex, love, and relationships. I don’t want to bring someone into my life or my kids’ lives, without them (my kids) understanding the depth of that relationship. I don’t think they will necessarily understand that, without seeing that outward commitment.

Financially, I think that money should stay apart until two become one, that is until marriage. I have friends that have kept their finances separate somehow after that, but it seems they are always fighting with their significant others about money anyway.

So there are my random thoughts for the day. All is fairly calm and well.🙂